Tony

Tony
I want to tell you about my friend Tony

I first met Tony in the school library when I was about 13. He was scowling at me and all my friends who were distracting him from his game of chess by messing about in the way that 13 year old boys do whilst they wait for their balls to drop.

He was unfortunate in that his hair was thinning from an early age and he used to get merciless stick from his school friends from his early teens onwards.

I have to confess for the first few years I knew him ,all I ever used to say to him was "cheer up you miserable bastard" because he was looked so unhappy and scowling seemed to be his favourite pastime.

It was only as the years went by that I noticed that when he did scowl and poured scorn on everything and anything there was a wicked sense of humour behind it all.

Tony was not luckiest of people I've known.

Typical of Tony's bad luck was when he managed to achieve the ignominy of getting 3 straight grade N's in his A-level exams.

For those of you who don't know, grade 'N' stands for nearly as in 'ha ha you nearly passed but you didn't you dozy bastard!'. It's basically the kick in the teeth grade. If you get a U for unclassified, that isn't as bad as you know that you really fucked up. To get one 'N' was unfortunate, but 3?

Whilst I and many of our school friends went off to university, Tony was busy studying for his re-sits.

Again Tony was beset by bad luck when he got another 3 N's. I have to confess that my attempts to cheer Tony up by saying "At least you can say that you nearly got 6 a-levels!" didn't have the desired affect.

It has to be said, that Tony got a job sooner after leaving school than I did (ok I was 25 before I got my first permanent job - I'll tell you about that another time), so he wasn't totally unlucky, but it was only 10 hours a week working in the local newsagents for £2.50 an hour cash in hand and he did get prosecuted for selling cigarettes to a fifteen year old.

He never lived that one down, nor did it help that we mercilessly taunted him with 'drug pusher' jibes.

When it came to sport, Tony was very talented. Again this was unlucky as though he was sporty, it was in all the wrong sports.

Sadly it wasn't football or rugby where he excelled. Had it been either of them I'm sure he would have been surrounded by pretty girls queuing up to stroke his thinning mane of hair.

As it was, he was brilliant at darts, snooker, pool, squash and crown green bowls. None of these sports are renowned for attracting girls except maybe crown green bowls, but that tended to be of the blue rinse Daily Mail reading variety.

When it came to sports, Tony was ultra competitive. Once, when an opponent had a heart attack during a game of bowls, all Tony could do was to moan that he probably had it on purpose to avoid losing

This competitive streak, was not limited to sports. One new year's eve, he through a strop because he thought we were cheating in a game of Twister!

Tony, I considered a good friend and before I moved to London, he along with my friend Tim and his wife Cathy were my closest and most trusted friends. Many an evening was spent drinking beer, arguing about football, slagging each other off and generally talking crap with Tony at Tim and Cathy's place.

By the way, If you've ever read my 'Infamous Vibrator Story' blog(see my archives), it was at Tim & Cathy's house that the comedy unfolded.

Whenever Tim & Cathy had just had an addition to their growing offspring (ok, they've only got four, but it doesn't stop me from asking if Cathy has had anymore babies, every time I speak to Tim), Tony used to visit more frequently. We used to all(including Cathy) wind him up by suggesting that it was because Cathy breastfeeding was the only change he would ever get to see real breasts.

In hindsight, it might have been true. Tony wasn't particularly successful with women, in fact up until his thirties he wasn't successful at all, I found out.

Years earlier he had told us a heartbreaking story about a girl he knew from the council estate he lived on, taking his virginity when he was fifteen, but it turned out later that he had made the story up to hide the sad truth.

I only found out the truth when I got a text message from Tim, a few years ago, informing me that Tony had spent the night with a girl on his sofa bed I found that he had only just lost his virginity at the age of thirty!

In his late twenties, early thirties, Tony's life seemed to turnaround. He finally got his university degree, had a proper permanent job working in a university library and he even moved out of his parents' house!

He bought a house of his own and moved in with a girl he had met on the internet.

I've never met this girl he fell in love with and I'm not sure from what I heard, she was exactly the ideal woman for him, but he had something I've never had, so I can't say I wasn't a little jealous of him.

I've only been back to my hometown once in the last three years and in that time I haven't seen Tony and sadly I never will.

About five or six months ago, things seemed perfect for Tony, at last after years of not really being close to content with his life.

Tony had a good job, he had place of his own and was sharing it with the girl he loved.

On their return, Tony wasn't well. It appeared had picked up a chest infection, but when he didn't get better, he was sent to the hospital where doctors discovered his heart had tumors wrapped around it.

Within days, whilst the doctors were still deliberating as to what course of treatment they could try as it was such a rare illness, Tony died.

So why am I telling you this? And why have I waited nearly six months to write this blog?

In a way this blog isn't really about Tony and his sad story. It's really about the effect the news has had on my life since.

When I heard about Tony's death, I was told by text message by Tim. Not the best way to hear about a friend dying, it's true, but given that we all went to an all boys school where feelings and expressing them isn't on the curriculum, it probably was for the best.

Hearing this news a big shock for me. First I felt bad that I hadn't seen Tony for three years. How can I call myself his friend when I had seen or heard from him in so long?

When I first came to London, I used to go back home every few months and hang out with Tony and my old friends, but since my return from Australia two years ago, I've been home just once.

I got so caught up in my life down here in London, I began to forget about most of the people that played a part in a major era of my life. I forgot about the friends who encouraged me try to make something of my life by taking a job in London in the first place.

Tony's death shocked me in a very selfish way, I think. He was just thirty-three years old. What if that had been me? How would I react to finding out I was going to die and then not even get a chance to even try to come to terms with the fact? What have I achieved so far in my life? Why am I letting my life just drift by and not doing everything I can to make something of myself?

Since Tony's death, my life, I think had changed for the better. I realized that I need to make the most out of my life, whether I die next week or in fifty years time.

I've started trying to make more out of my leisure time. I've started to go out more often and I've started to let my hair down(metaphorically speaking obviously) and take myself less seriously - I've worn fancy dress at a party for the first time in my life and I no longer feel embarrassed by karaoke! Instead of being so cautious with my decision making, I've started taking more chances as my trip to the Alaquas festival in September illustrated.

This change in my life isn't just limited to how I use my leisure time. There's got to be the right balance between work and pleasure, if I'm going to pay for it.

I've realized that it's no use just letting my working life drift, doing the same job for the next thirty years, I've got to do something more positive with my career especially if I want to pay for the life I want. As a result I've restarted my studies for the every exciting CIMA management accounting qualificatio whit aim of being able to work less for the same money(or a little more)

The only part of my life that hasn't changed dramatically since Tony's death is my love life. I've fallen in love with girlfriends, and girlfriends have fallen in love with me, but never at the same time! This might have bothered me a year ago, but since what happened I've realized that it's not the most important thing in the world and it certainly doesn't guarantee happiness. If love comes I won't run away but I'm not going to chase after it (I'll write about this particular topic another time)

At this moment I'm working hard, playing hard and I'm having the best time of my life, I only wish that it hadn't taken the death of a friend to make me realize how short life is.

RIP Tony Vyskocil